If Dean Used Bumper Stickers 2
by The Phantom Dragon
Summary: Dean gets Sam a gift for passing his driver's test. Sequel to If Dean Used Bumper Stickers.


**If Dean Used Bumper Stickers 2**

_Ok, so we all know Dean would never use bumper stickers on the Impala, even to save his own skin._

_But what about for Sam's car._

_

* * *

  
_

Very Funny Dean, now give me back my clothes...

Don't Honk - I'm Pedaling as Fast as I Can.

Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an IDIOT!

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Don't blame me! I didn't vote!

My Brother Beat Up Your Honor Student!

Hang Up And Drive!

This car is not abandoned!

Don't like my driving? Call 1-800-FUCK-YOU

"KEEP HONKING".... I'M RELOADING

Don't laugh; your daughter could be in here.

My brother's other car is a cruise missile.

Constipated people don't give a shit.

If that phone was up your ass, maybe you could drive a little better.

My brother is the one who got your honor roll student pregnant..

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings".

If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.

Horn broken...watch for finger.

It's not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger.

One good thing about Alzheimer's is you get to meet new people every day.

FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! It comes bundled with the software.

Kentucky: Five Million People, Fifteen Last Names.

What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

Can you yell "MOVIE!" in a crowded fire station?

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

STUDEN DRIVER-Get the hell out of my way!

Constipated people don't give a crap.

Practice safe sex, go screw yourself.

If that phone was up your butt, maybe you could drive a little better.

If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.

It's not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger.

Buffy sucks.

Most of the time I swallow, but for asshole's like you, I spit....

My other ride is your DAUGHTER!

(under picture of chick in playboy bunny outfit) WARNING!!! Babe In Car!!

I Hate Women Who Think Sex Actually Means Something.

IF GOD DIDN'T WANT US TO EAT ANIMALS, HE WOULDN'T HAVE MADE 'EM OUT OF MEAT!

GUN CONTROL MEANS USING BOTH HANDS!

LOVE?THY?NEIGHBOR  
BUT?DON'T?GET?CAUGHT!

LIFE'S ALL ABOUT ASS; COVERING IT, KICKING IT, KISSING IT OR  
TYING TO GET IT.

GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE… DRIVERS WITH CELL PHONES DO!!!

WE'RE BORN COLD, WET AND HUNGRY!!! THEN THINGS GET WORSE

SCREW UNTO OTHERS AS THEY WOULD SCREW UNTO YOU!!

IF MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL, WHY DO CHURCHES BEG FOR IT?

I BITCH, THEREFORE I AM.

WOMEN GET LAID, MEN GET SCREWED!!!

FYI: DRIVE LIKE AN SOB AND YOU'LL BE DOA

POLITICIANS & DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED FOR THE SAME REASON.

CONSIDER.  
AMATEURS BUILT THE ARK.  
PROFESSIONALS BUILT THE TITANIC.

BE NICE TO NERDS. CHANCES ARE YOU'LL END UP WORKING FOR ONE.

**ANGER MANAGEMENT GRADUATE****  
**What The Hell You Lookin' At?

Are You Drunk Or Just On Your Cellphone?

UNCLE SAM WANTS YOU TO SPEAK ENGLISH.

WE BULLDOZE NATURE TO MAKE ROOM FOR YOUR FAT ASS!!!!

GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR INNER BITCH.

WHY DO WOMEN FAKE ORGASMS? BECAUSE MEN FAKE FOREPLAY!!!

SAFE SEX IS IN THE PALM OF YOUR HAND.

YOUR COLLEGE SUCKS.

BOOZE DESTROYS BRAIN CELLS. BUT I'M TOO SMART, ANYWAY.

GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY BREW.

THEY CAN SEND ME TO COLLEGE, BUT THEY CAN'T MAKE ME THINK!

SAVE A COW…EAT A VEGETARIAN.

My Brother Was Inmate of the Month At County Jail.

LOOK OUT!!!! I Drive Just like you.

I'm not going slow. THE CLOWN IN FRONT OF ME IS.

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

Please don't cure my problem. I enjoy medicating the symptoms.

Can't sleep, clown will eat me; can't sleep, clown will eat me......

* * * * *

"Dude, what the hell are all these?" Sixteen year old Sammy looked up from the large box of bumper stickers that he had found on his bed after returning from getting his drivers license, and glanced across the room too his brother who was sprawled on his own bed.

Dean shot Sam his trademark goofy grin and replied simply. 'What do they look like they are."

Sam rolled his eyes. "You can't seriously be thinking I would ever put any of these on a car I drove." He said incredulously, holding up a sticker that showed a stick figure woman standing up getting it doggy style while giving a blowjob to a second male stick figure, effectively forming the letter H.

"Well, I thought the playboy bunny would look good on the bumper of dad's car. Which, by the way, is the only automobile we own that you will be allowed to dive." There was no way on earth he was letting Sam behind the well of his beloved Impala.

"Maybe if I wanted to die, yeah." Sam gingerly replaced a sticker that looked like a road sign, which showed a bra being thrown in the air in the backseat of a car, beneath were the words, BE BACK WHEN THE LIGHT CHANGES.

"Well some of them would have worked quite well for you Sammy boy." Dean walked over and began rifling through the stickers.

"Oh yeah, which one." Sam snorted in disgust.

Dean beamed and pulled out custom made sticker from the back pocket of his jeans and handed it to his thoroughly grossed out brother.

The sticker was a picture of Sam from the last time he was sick. He was in bed, reading one of Bobby's old tomes. The room around him had been photoshopped to resemble a darkened laboratory with eerily glowing test tubes and jars containing stuff that Sam didn't even want to ask about. To complete this outlandish scene, Dean had enlarged the top of Sam's head and added the geekiest looking glasses Sam had ever seen.

Sam stared at the sticker in horror. It was already bad enough that he looked like hell from the cold he had had when the picture was taken, but the add-on's just made him look like a goofy freak. He didn't even bother to read what was written under the picture.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean!!!"

Dean let out a self satisfied sigh and wiggled his brows at Sam. " Sammy, Sammy," he intoned soothingly while pointing at the wording. "Don't you know. NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWERS OF A SICK MIND!!!"

* * *

_Yeah, yeah, I know it sucks. But once I got that picture of Sammy in my head I couldn't get rid of it till I did something about it. So feel free to yell at me._


End file.
